HOLLY — Village officials were forced to issue an urgent clarification this week after a local man reportedly attempted to start a backyard burn by summoning Baphomet, reminding residents that open burning permits do not extend to demonic assistance.
Witnesses said the man arranged folding chairs around a backyard fire pit, drew an elaborate symbol in the grass, and began reciting what neighbors first assumed was either a Latin incantation or “some kind of YouTube tutorial for guys who refuse to buy dry kindling.” The ritual reportedly ended with a brief smell of sulfur, a low horn blast, and a modest but sustained flame.
“Burning is a privilege, not a right,” said Village Fire Compliance Coordinator Glenn Pritchard, who confirmed that the Village’s burn-permit rules do not authorize ignition by gasoline, kerosene, starter fluid, or hoofed occult entities. “If your fire-starting method requires chanting, ceremonial robes, or a blood moon, you are already outside the spirit of the ordinance.”
Officials further stressed that permitted fires must remain attended at all times by someone capable of extinguishing them, which, they clarified, does not include “the Lord of Beasts,” “a shadow minister from the underworld,” or “your one friend who says he’s really into pagan stuff now.” Residents seeking permission for nighttime burning were also reminded that “special permission” refers to approval from the Village, not from ancient powers.
“I thought the permit just said no starter fluid,” the man said. “It didn’t say anything about Baphomet. He got it going on the first try.”
At press time, Village officials were reviewing whether a pentagram qualifies as an authorized burn container under current rules, which limit fires to three feet in diameter and give the fire official broad discretion over the right to burn.