Est. 2026 · Serving Battle Alley and several comment sections beyond
Battle Alley BugleSatire and parody from Holly, Michigan. Nothing here should be mistaken for actual reporting, including by people who mistake Facebook comments for municipal law.
Satire covering Holly schools, parks, markets, festivals, car shows, and resident behavior.
HOLLY, MI — Hundreds of witches and wizards have begun arriving in Holly through residential fireplaces ahead of this weekend's Mischief & Magic festivities, overwhelming living rooms and catching homeowners unprepared…
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A Holly man announced Saturday that he had mowed his lawn for the final time this year, marking the seventh consecutive weekend he has made the same announcement.
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Screams erupted from the crowd at a downtown Halloween costume contest when a Davisburg Elementary student stepped onto the bandstand dressed as Holly's familiar welcome sign, with one horrifying alteration: "The City…
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Big Poppa’s Pizzeria has introduced a new ordering procedure after a local resident publicly expressed intimate intentions toward the restaurant’s pizza crust for the second time.
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ROSE TOWNSHIP — A local yellow jacket was drunk as fuck Tuesday afternoon after spending most of the morning consuming fermented apple juice at Diehl's Orchard and Cider Mill, insisting he was "completely fucking fine"…
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Organizers declared Holly’s annual Witches Night Out a success Friday despite a minor dancing error that left one spectator briefly folded into a ball.
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Community volunteers have organized a series of adult education classes following the circulation of a civil lawsuit involving Village President April Brandon and former DDA Chairperson Linda Stouffer, after determining…
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A local man preparing to attend Friday's Witches Night Out has purchased a historically accurate plague doctor costume in hopes of visiting downtown Holly without speaking to a single person he knows.
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The Battle Alley Bugle is pleased to announce the launch of The Holly Collection, featuring two new T-shirt designs celebrating our favorite little Village.
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Staff at The Holly Post confirmed this week that they have successfully completed their fourth deadline of 2026, concluding what employees described as an exhausting year of occasionally needing to finish a newspaper.
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A Holly man ordered 14 tons of topsoil Monday after discovering his neighbor's 12-foot Halloween skeleton appeared approximately four inches taller than his own when viewed from the street.
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Holly Area Schools unveiled its first horse-drawn school bus this week as gasoline prices approached $5 a gallon, making a wooden wagon pulled by two draft horses an increasingly competitive form of public…
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A Carry Nation-themed float won first place in the Holly Days parade Saturday after its costumed temperance crusader seized control of the tow vehicle and drove the entire entry through the festival beer tent, a move…
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Big development in the Holly Village President race: apparently we are no longer electing a village president.
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Holly resident Tammy Flickenstaff announced this week that she is actively seeking part-time employment, provided it does not involve food, retail, customer service, driving, mornings, evenings or weekends.
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Declaring shortly after breakfast that he intended to “do absolutely nothing” with his Labor Day, Holly resident Eric Brindle was observed 43 minutes later standing on a ladder with a cordless drill.
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The first campaign signs of the season have begun appearing across Holly, marking the start of the community’s annual nine-week lawn migration ahead of the Nov. 3 general election.
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Opening festivities at the Michigan Renaissance Festival were briefly interrupted Saturday when a time portal opened near Hollygrove and deposited several residents of 14th-century Europe onto the festival grounds.
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The Holly Farmers Market announced plans to phase out traditional farmers in favor of additional 3D-printed dragon vendors after determining residents strongly prefer articulated plastic creatures to produce.
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A restored 1970 Chevrolet Chevelle drew a familiar crowd of spectators eager to explain that a brother, father, uncle, or guy named Terry once owned essentially the same car.
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Holly Area Schools announced a bond-funded monorail network after determining that student drop-off traffic had finally exceeded the useful capacity of roads, cones, arrows, and increasingly desperate parking-lot directions.
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