Est. 2026 · Serving Battle Alley and several comment sections beyond
Battle Alley BugleSatire and parody from Holly, Michigan. Nothing here should be mistaken for actual reporting, including by people who mistake Facebook comments for municipal law.
Satire about Holly businesses, construction, zoning, downtown policy, and commercial growth.
Five Holly residents who discovered golden tickets baked inside their donuts last week were led through the shop’s kitchen Saturday morning and into a subterranean pastry factory extending at least 14 stories beneath…
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In the lead-up to Holly’s annual Witches Night Out, downtown merchants announced another addition to the community’s growing calendar of themed events: the village’s first Juggalo Night.
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Shortly after taking ownership of the long-vacant industrial property at 400 Elm Street, the Village of Holly announced the 4.38-acre site will be redeveloped into a permanent carnival, ending decades of uncertainty…
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A local man was once again confronted Tuesday with the difficult decision of supporting Holly businesses or retaining enough money to purchase additional goods.
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A promotional appearance by Big Poppa’s Pizzeria ended in tragedy Monday when the restaurant’s pizza-slice mascot was overwhelmed and devoured by a crowd of hungry pedestrians, an incident management later described as…
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The Holly Police Department reminded residents this week that bicycles, scooters, skateboards and other wheeled devices must be dismounted in designated areas of downtown, adding that the requirement also applies to…
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Village officials reassured residents that Holly’s marijuana retailers would remain safely indoors and away from the downtown social district, where adults are legally encouraged to carry alcoholic drinks through the streets.
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Plans to replace Holly’s vacant Wendy’s with a second Taco Bell would create a redundant taco infrastructure system capable of protecting residents from missed entrances, long drive-thru lines, and catastrophic Baja Blast shortages.
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A Holly resident who regularly travels to Fenton for dining, shopping, and entertainment urged officials to preserve Holly’s quiet character by avoiding the very amenities that keep sending him elsewhere.
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A private proposal for a boutique hotel and rooftop bar beside the Holly Hotel offers residents a glimpse of one possible future for the vacant former Arcade Antiques property, pending approvals, financing, legal questions, and universal agreement on what belongs downtown.
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