Est. 2026 · Serving Battle Alley and several comment sections beyond
Battle Alley BugleSatire and parody from Holly, Michigan. Nothing here should be mistaken for actual reporting, including by people who mistake Facebook comments for municipal law.
Every dispatch preserved for posterity, accountability, and future historians who make several unfortunate assumptions.
Declaring shortly after breakfast that he intended to “do absolutely nothing” with his Labor Day, Holly resident Eric Brindle was observed 43 minutes later standing on a ladder with a cordless drill.
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A suspected Iranian cyber group successfully gained access to the Village of Holly’s water infrastructure Thursday before abandoning the operation approximately 17 minutes later.
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A severe thunderstorm with winds exceeding 70 mph moved through Holly Thursday morning, activating outdoor warning sirens across Oakland County and prompting residents to begin searching for the tornado they assumed…
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After nearly eight years of careful observation, local resident Diane Mercer has assembled an extensive collection of vehicles that were definitely speeding past her house, despite having never measured the speed of any…
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Citing continued budget constraints and the rising cost of maintaining separate municipal departments, the Village of Holly has formally outsourced several essential services to the Paw Patrol, a six-dog emergency…
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Traffic resumed on Rood Rd Sunday afternoon after two local residents who recognized each other while driving in opposite directions finally exhausted every available topic of conversation, ending a roadside discussion…
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The first campaign signs of the season have begun appearing across Holly, marking the start of the community’s annual nine-week lawn migration ahead of the Nov. 3 general election.
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The Village of Holly has formally ceded control of downtown sidewalks to a roving gang of between six and seven 10-year-olds on electric mini bikes after officials concluded the children possess superior speed, numbers…
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Another lengthy public explanation of why road reconstruction does in fact require money has pushed Holly’s supply of road-related paperwork past the threshold needed to begin filling several smaller potholes.
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Officials involved in the Stiff’s Mill Pond restoration are asking residents to disclose any additional dams they may be aware of after engineering work unexpectedly identified a second earthen structure helping retain…
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